Too hot to Handel

The BBC have upset some Teuchter by choosing Handel's "See The Conquering Hero Comes" as their World Cup music. The ditty apparently honours the Duke of Cumberland who defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie at Culloden.

The BBC other favourite, Wagner's "The Ride of the Valkyries" was rejected because of its association with Apocalypse Now - which is a pity cause it's a much more stirring tune to listen to before supporting Paraguay or T&T.

Scottish Press Awards

The Scottish Media have been giving themselves some awards recently:

From the Scottish Press Awards:

Edinburgh's Evening News is the Scotland's Daily paper of the year.
The Airdrie and Coatbridge Advertiser is weekly paper of the year.

From the Scottish Press Photography Awards:

David Cheskin of the Press Association is the Photographer of the Year.

More smoking stuff...

Sales of tobacco are unaffected by the smoking ban.

In contrast to Gala, Rank says its Mecca Bingo business is down.

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Cowgate sweepstake - win a prize!

On May 15, 100 concrete cows are going to be released onto the streets of Edinburgh. As public art goes this is a reasonably amusing, if not very imaginative stunt.

Of more interest...I am starting a sweepstake on how long it is until some ned/student tries to knick one. There will a prize of a, very reasonably priced why don't you buy one, Caledonia Calling mug for whoever is closest. Add your guess (in hours) to the comments.

Bingo and Pubs doing well despite smoking ban

So far, so good for both Scottish Bingo and Pubs who have reported that trade is up despite the smoking ban.

technorati tags: Scotland, smoking, health, drinking, bingo

We wus robbed!

It's up there with the Hand of God and the '66 mystery of the ball crossing the line...and now we have closure!

Holland's Johnny Rep has admitted that he dived in the 1978 World Cup match against Scotland - winning a penalty and denying Ally's Army their rightful place in the next round.

So, it's all Rep's fault - aye right!!

technorati tags: Scotland, Tartan+Army

Scottish McDonald's meals are loaded with bad fat

One of the big selling points about McDonalds is that no matter where you are, you know what you are getting. Same Golden Arches, same crap in a bun, same chemical shake...or is it?

A group of Danish doctors recently carried out an interesting experiment looking at the type of fat in food from McDonalds and KFC. During their travels round the world (including Glasgow and Aberdeen) they bought some of the local fast food and analysed it for its 'trans fat' content. Trans fat is not good for you - high consumption is directly related to high risk of heart disease. The results are interesting, and can be read only if you buy the New England Journal Medicine paper so let me summarise:

Scottish McDonald's doesn't do too well - chicken and fries from Glasgow and Aberdeen contain about 8 grams of trans fat. To put this in context - if you ate this much trans fat every day (and try telling me that some Glaswegians don't!) then your chance of heart disease would go up by 25%. Of the 24 outlets tested, Glasgow was the fourth worst; the best performing meal came from Denmark and had only 0.33 grams of trans fat.

KFC on the other hand came out a bit better with Aberdeen in particular performing well - Doric chicken and fries contain only 1 gram of trans fat.

I've no big anti-fast food agenda, a sausage McMuffin is just about one of the best hangover cures in the world. It does howver make you wonder - if McDonalds can produce a relatively healthy Danish meal - why can't they be arsed doing so in Glasgow?

technorati tags: Scotland, Aberdeen, Glasgow, McDonalds, KFC, fat, health, food, fast+food

Whisky and Curry don't go

In my mis-spent youth I worked for a few months in a Ghandian Community in India. Old Mahatma was pretty austere - so there was no drinking, no meat and no-smoking. After a few weeks I was invited by a couple of the local guys to a secret get-together where I was promised delicious meat curry, fine whisky and some cigarettes. Given that there was no electricity in this place, let alone TV, I jumped at the chance of a bit of entertainment.

Upon arrival I was handed a plate of goat curry that was about 95% bone and a cup filled to the brim of Bagpiper whisky. The curry was hotter than Hell's ovens and sent my mouth and throat into immediate spasm - I quickly reached for the only liquid within reach. The resulting gulp of Bagpiper whisky was like throwing petrol onto a fire. At that moment I truly understood the term "exquisite pain" as I transcended normal human uncomfort and entered a higher state of being. I think I actually passed out for while.

Which is a long preamble into the news that the Scottish Whisky Association (SWA) is thinking of taking India to the court of the World Trade Organisation over unfair trade practices.

Whatever is in the Bagpiper bottle, it is not whisky as defined by the SWA as "a cereals-based liquor aged over three years". The Indians are pissed off that they can't label their product as being whisky or Indian whisky.

They also aren't happy at letting the Scottish into their market to compete with their products. Scottish whisky in India is charged a tax of up to 525%

Whatever the outcome - just don't mix your whisky (of whatever nationality) with your vindaloo.

Glasgow clubs tackle soap-dodgers stink

Glasgow's newly smoke-free Clubs are having to add air-freshener to their smoke machines because their clientele, er, stink!

This is just so mingin!

You're supposed to count sheep, not shoot them

Someone in Sutherland has got a serious grudge against sheep - over 50 of them have been found shot in a field. Surely poachers would load them up live and then kill them elsewhere? Weird!

Worse than gaylic

oh, for fucks sake!

UPDATE: There's a video of this nonsense on this BBC article - top right.

My girl lollipop

Congrats to Moira Stallard from Clarkston Primary School in Airdrie - Scotland's Lollipop person of the year!

From the parochial to the regional

Been struggling for inspiration today.

I did see a story about some Paisley ned who had been caught painting graffiti on buses and was trying to get off the hook by saying that after failing to get into Art School that he was trying to find an outlet to showcase his "work." Aye right - but 10/10 for originality, he almost deserves to get off. Unfortunately I can't find the full text of the article online...

In the meantime let me point you to the BBC - who've decided that "Scottish News" is not quite parochial enough. You can now solely concentrate on what is going on in Tayside and Central without worrying about being distracted by events in such exotics places such as Irvine. It's your license fee paying for it - so enjoy.

Scotland ma banahai

Pop Quiz: What do the Bollywood films Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai have in common?

Well judging by the Rediff reviews they were both pretty dire movies, but they both also included scenes shot in Scotland. Specifically, it stopped pissing it down for just long enough so that our wee bit hill and glen could pass off as Kashmir. In the last decade over 20 Indian movies used Scotland as a location.

But, an article on online news site New Kerala, explains that Scotland no longer is a hot destination for Indian film-makers. Perhaps the improving security situation in Kashmir means that Scotland is no longer required, or perhaps we are just being bad at promoting ourselves against International competition.

Either way I am sure that Bollywood brings much needed fun and colour, as well as revenue, to the Highlands and it would be a pity to lose it.

corrections to ma hindi are welcome!

The Caledonia Calling Play List

On a lighter note - for those of you with iTunes here is the latest Caledonia Calling play list.

Still no Swamp Tash.


I'll be at the Paul Buchanan gigs in Glasgow at the end of May if anyone fancies a pint before/after.

Update on Glasgow Glass Ban

For those of you who’ve been asleep at the back of the class...I have, in previous posts, attacked the banning of glass from pubs and clubs, and Glaswegians for accepting it like sheep - in fact the last time I was in Glasgow not one of the locals I was with was even aware that the ban was coming.

The ban is the brainchild of Gordon MacDairmid - Gordy is head of the Glasgow Licensing Board. He is an elected councillor, but - and this is a bit confusing - he claims that the Licensing Board is independent and cannot be politically influenced. So you could convince your local councillor, your local MSP and local MP that you and your fellow citizens were against the ban - and this little fatso would just ignore you. That’s your devolved democracy in action!

Glass attacks are vicious, result in hideous trauma, disfigurement and even death - a close friend of Caledonia Calling’s Alex McLemon quite literally saved the life of one Glasgow punter when his jugular was severed in an attack in the posh West End. Indeed this attack - in the sort of posh place that Glasgow doctors hang out is one of the reasons that a blanket ban rather than a selective (ie ned pubs) one was brought in.

The ban also allows for the use of perfectly acceptable toughened glass so why therefore am I still against it?

Firstly it fundamentally infringes on our freedoms. Want a bottle of Sol with a lime in it? Want to sit with your bottle of tonic and top up your G&T. Want to enjoy a whisky in a nosing glass, or a cocktail in a martini glass? Well not in Glasgow. Gordy has decided that you’re not grown up enough to be trusted with glass. He’s not going to do anything to target troublemakers, he’s not going target the cause of casual violence, he’s just going to withdraw your right to these few small liberties.

Secondly this is, to use the unavoidable cliché, the thin end of the wedge. What next? In Texas undercover police officers arrest people in bars that they think MIGHT drive their cars. Scottish politicians are already worried about how fat you all are - shall we ban chip shops? Motor Bikes are dangerous, cause horrific injury and are uneccessisary - let’s get rid of them.

If protection from all of life’s vagaries is what you want then buy a condom, wrap yourself in cotton wool, and lock the doors and never come out. For fuck’s sake don’t let politicians chip away at your freedoms in your name.

Frank Murphy of Glasgow’s Pot Still has been in touch. He, along with certain trade bodies, is admirably fighting this ban. MacDiarmid is arrogantly dismissive of public opinion so these guys need your help. Write to your politicians, talk to your local landlord, shout, scream and complain. But for fucks-sake don’t let me visit Glasgow again and here the pathetic bleat -”What glass ban?”

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Random Teuchter Factoid

...there are no Travel Agents on Skye.

Make Easter Sunday a Sunday Post day

Caledonia Calling says go buy the Sunday Post tomorrow - and don't just read Our Willie!

Our opinion in this matter has not been affected at all by the fact that the Sunday Post recently bought us copious quantities of whisky. Our good name can not be bought so cheaply - but should the Herald, Scotsman or Press and Journal wish to buy us drinks please feel free to contact us at: digbeth@gmail.com

Placebo at Ally Pally - Happy Happy Joy Joy

Went to a cheery gig on Tuesday - Placebo.

I'm not a fan but I think my wife has goth tendencies. I was particularly touched by this happy little couplet:

"Since I was born I started to decay
Nothing ever seems to go my way"

Thought that there was nothing I could post here about this as there was nothing particularly Scottish about it, but The Laird informs me that Brian Moloko originally comes from Dundee - which would explain just why he's so depressed!

Make your own bagpipes

The long weekend beckons - avoid those irritating DIY tasks and do something useful instead. Make you own bagpipes from PVC and brass tubing! Fucking A - imagine the din you'll be able to make.

Just watch out you don't hurt the feelings of other bagpipers - they are sensitive souls!

Have a great Easter!

Review of Rebus's Scotland

Ian Rankin is allegedly taking a year off - but a funny thing happens when you are as successful as Rankin. You cease to become an individual author and become an industry. All of a sudden publishers, and PR agencies, and all the staff that work at them are relying on your work. So you can imagine how well, "I'm taking a year off" goes down with this lot!

As a result you get The Flood - a novella that he wrote as a student and which in the foreword he admits isn't really that good, but which nonetheless his publisher is willing to flog at 13.99! Or a Rebus collection...or a picture book with lots of photaes and big margins to fill up the space.

Rebus's Scotland features the photos of Tricia Malley and Ross Gillespie whose work features of the covers of the UK novels. They are fine pictures fleeting, cold, haunting and beautiful. Rankin uses excerpts of the Rebus novels to illustrate the main themes in his novels and reveals that much of the detail in the book comes from his own experiences.

Fans will buy it - that's the whole point of this slighly grubby venture - but all in all it feels a little empty. You can only imagine what the man would make of such coffee-table fodder!

No protest on a Sunday

Presbyterian Hebredians have kept the boats at bay on Sunday for far too long, so it's good to see a wee bit of 21st century progress coming to those Islanders not cowed by the church.

Blah Blah Blah...but news reaches me from an inside source that the BBC dispatched a top reporter and film crew to cover the protests that Cal Mac's Sunday service were sure to cause.

Er, except that it being a Sunday the islanders were all in the Kirk. Reporter and Film crew were left twiddling their thumbs and trying to find somewhere to get a drink on a Sunday!

Nothing soft about Scottish paternalism

Interesting article in the Economist this week about the emergence of "soft paternalism" - where the state legislates to help you help yourself. Interesting because I personally feel that the Scottish Parliament has legislated way too far into peoples' lives -smoking bans, glass bans, drinking in public bans, campaigns teaching us how to boil a kettle...

While you can agree with some of these a government that sees interference in personal choice as the main way to influence change is dangerous. I am surprised to see the Economist take such a neutral line on this type of thing - they are usually far more rabidly in favour of free markets. Must be the new boy!

Anyway, try shouting 'avuncluar' at your MSP next time you see them - you'll probably get beaten up!

Happy Fucking Easter from the Shetlands

I know, I know, your kids are driving you nuts already! *

So why not take them to Shetlands where they can shoot the Easter bunny. I'm particularly proud of the way that the Beeb has used cute pet rabbits to illustrate this story - so I've added a picture of ours too.


*and please stop trying to shove your toddlers onto rush hour Picadilly Line Tube trains and then giving me the evil when I stand on your first-born.

Jose worried about "the problem in Scotland"

In typical Mourinho fashion, Jose has shrugged off premiership pressure and insists that our Burd Flu problem is of more concern to him than the challenge of the Red Nosed One.

Class!

Bird Flu threatens T in the Park

Mind what I said about hysteria!

thanks to Euphemia Taggart-Connolly for uncovering this one...

20 grand bottle of Glenfiddich

A bottle of 64 year old Glenfiddich has sold at a New York auction for $20,000. There is more info on this bad boy over at the Glenfiddich Blog. Interestingly whisky can't get much older as by law it has to be 40% ABV and after so many years alcohol evaporates to below this.

By coincidence a friend and I were discussing expensive whisky recently. We reckoned that if you can afford to blow thousands on a bottle of whisky then you could afford to drink it without having to wait for a special occasion.

It's therefore disappointing to hear that new owner, Dan Weiss, intends to add this bottle unopened to his collection! You be just as well collecting stamps. I'll bet the fanny pronounces it "fiditch" n'all.

The Laird and I (with surprise guest) will be at the Whisky Society in London next week - gie us a wee email if you fancy coming along.

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Congratulations to the Worthy Champions

A huge congratulations to Railways - who yesterday won the Indian one day cricket championship.


and congratulations also to Celtic on winning the Scottish Premiership. I hope it is your last, I hope your players all get injured and that your club slumps into an uncontrolable decline that makes the Dalgleish and Barnes days look like a party. I hope you go bankrupt and that scandal constantly stalks anyone associated with you... but well done all the same.

Bird flu hits Scotland

Ahead of the curve and at the bleeding edge, Caledonia Calling told you last October that bird flu came from Scotland, and now H5N1 has returned to the Kingdom of Fife.

Cue fucking hysteria.

In another life I was a molecular geneticist and there is good evidence that H5N1 has been crossing the species barrier for a long time without picking up Human-to-Human virulence. We will not be dropping from mad-burd disease.

Digbeth says DON'T PANIC.

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English base for Air Scotland

I can't be arsed with most marketing activity, but I really think that Air Scotland needs to rebrand. They've just announced that they are cutting back flights from Scotland and basing themselves in Manchester.

We've covered these jokers before...

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Vogts for Hearts?

So last time round Hearts started off their hunt for a manger with Ranieri, Robson and Keegan in the frame and ended up with convicted child molester Rix.

This time we have Berti Vogts leaping out of the starting gate as favourite for the job. God knows what level of Euro-dross they'll have reached before they actually get around to making an appointment!

Best of Scottish Restaurants and Food

According to the Observer's Food Awards here is some of the best nosh in Scotland - the only one I've been to is the Three Chimneys which is one of my favourite restaurants. Stuff I personally recommend is infrequently updated here.

Best Sunday Lunch in Scotland -
The Kilberry Inn, Argyll.

Best Food Retailers in Scotland
I J Mellis, Cheesmonger, Edinburgh.
Donald Russell, Butcher, Inverurie.

Best Restaurants in Scotland
Martin Wishart, Edinburgh.
The Buttery, Glasgow.

Best Restaurant Location in Scotland
The Three Chimneys, Skye.

Best Bars in Scotland
Harvey Nichols, Edinburgh - this is some sort of fucking joke!
Plockton Hotel, Plockton

Tartan Day in London

If you can't make it to the 6th Avenue parade then perhaps Scots in London's Tartan Day bash in Chancery Lane is for you.


I reckon that this lot look like a right bunch of fannies, but the Laird seems enamoured of them.

Tartan Week

So, it's Tartan Week.

The concept seems to be simple enough - an event (or series of events) in New York to promote Scotland and Scottishness. But it does seem to lack focus? Do we really need a week of events? And what exactly is Scottish about a 10k run in Central Park - in fact I think you'd be hard pushed to find anything less Scottish.

Mind you the Scottish play confusingly called Geordie doesn't help either.