Inclement weather

I know Kirsty McCabe - don't remember her being a Kilmarnock fan!

Wanted: Expat Scots in the US

Alex McLemon (sometime Caledonia Calling contributor) has recently announced that he's sick of the orange look that he gets from his tanning booth in Leith. In an attempt to "keep it real" he's decided to feck off to Australia.

Bad news for Edinburgh's illegal sex trade - good news for us as we will now have an International network of reporters.

I'd also really like to add a US-based expat to the network of people who post and comment on the site. The work is not too onerous - a post every week or so would be cool - but it's unpaid* and thankless. Let me know if your interested - there's a contact us button somewhere.

Co-incidently I'll be in Austin, Philadelphia and New York over the next few days the post rate will be low until I get back.


*I would offer a profit share but as I currently am losing money it wouldn't be much of an incentive.

Oi Senga!

As anyone who has spent any time down Clatty's could have told you - Scottish wimmen are hard.

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The Rabbit ate my cable

It may sound like a euphemism, but no, the rabbit has once again eaten through my modem cable. Does anyone have a good recipe?

Posting may be a bit erratic until I can get a new one. In the meantime these two articles in The Guardian caught my eye:

Pupils in Bishopbrigs have been getting lessons in how to apply fake tan.

And as we have few have few enough genuine Scottish sports stars (and even some of those have their problems) - I reckon that it's time to welcome back David Millar.

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One for the laydees

We've recently secured a strictly limited stock of fine women's lingerie. These sensuous and finely crafted items are likely to be a huge hit with the wimmen, so order them now from the Caledonia Calling shop to avoid disappointment.

In the unlikely event that we don't fully sell these items there will be a clearance sale outside M&S on Argyll Street in Glasgow.

And if you're too tight to treat the Doll in your life - then remember to CLICK ON THE ADVERTS on this site. Caledonia Calling is written by a small band of neds fae Partick - they need your money for heroin.

Boldly going where no Scot has gone before

At last a good use for Google Video: Star Trek - Taysiders in Space.

Set phasers to Malky!

Found on Chris's Blog.

Tooled up

Rangers new signing Moses Ashikodi has a less than impressive pedigree - failed at Millwall, falied at West Ham, failed at Gillingham.

His off the field activity, however, beggars belief. While at Millwall he pulled a knife on a team-mate that he had a disagreement with. It's bad enough when the red-mist decends on Fernando, this chap will need to go through a metal detector before an Old Firm game.

Glasgow 2014 - back the bid

I'm usually very cynical about this sort of thing but I have to say that I fully support Glasgow's bid for the Commonwealth games. Done right, as Manchester managed, we'll get some top class facilities and a good economic boost.

You can sign up to register your support on the Glasgow 2014 site. Goan!

Top 5 things to do in Scotland

I was given 1000 Places to See Before You Die for Christmas – which has 21 Scottish entries ranging from Golf at St Andrews to Hogmanay in Edinburgh. (by comparison Eire has 29 entries). As interesting as these are I think that they could be improved upon, so here’s my Top 5 Scottish Things to do and Places to see before you Die (quite possibly horribly and in a lot of pain).

An Old Firm Match – complicated, contradictory, possibly unpalatable to some, but to me the ultimate Glaswegian experience.

A trip down the West Coast – build sandcastles on Saltcoats beach, lunch at the Seamill Hydro, ferry over to Millport, cycle round the island and then back for a marshmallow ice at Nardini’s Café (now closed unfortunately). This is a childhood thing for me so unlikely to be shared by many – especially when it’s fairly likely that it will be pishing it down.

Walk the West Highland Way – get out of your fucking coach/car and see some of the Highlands (complete with stop at that crappy gift shop in Tyndrum).

Dinner at the Three Chimneys – I’d like to recommend staying the night but the room rates are just fucking extortionate! Camp in a nearby field instead.

Deep Fried Pizza – any chippy will do. You’ve got to ask them to “chuck in a Pizza pal” when you get in line cause it takes a while to fry the frozen pizza. Pure dead brilliant by the way.

Anyway, over to you guys - let me know what you think should be added to the list.

Not so Keano

Eamon Dunphy came up with a classic quote when Keane left Man Utd.

Roy Keane wants to play for Celtic, I am not so sure that Roy Keane wants to play in the Scottish league.

Wonder how he feels this morning!

Rebus Review - The Falls

Just got round to watching last week's Rebus with Ken Stott - the man I have previously hailed as born to play the role.

The problem was that the role Stott was asked to play was not Rebus.

This punter lived in a country cottage rather than an Edinburgh flat, roguishly chased younger women with over the top romantic gestures, sketched his lovers a la Di Caprio, and liked a pint and fag rather than being addicted to them. This was not the man that sits in a chair all night with no company but a bottle of whisky and the ghost of past failures.

We've gone from the wrong actor playing the character to the right actor playing the wrong character. A single 1.5 hour episode makes this worse by leaving no room for nuance of character - in either Rebus or his sidekick Shiobhan.

Disappointing - still I guess there's a couple of books to go.

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Currently playing

Created a iTunes playlist for today tunes.

Includes Albion by Babyshambles where Digbeth gets a namecheck.

Casablancas' "I've got nothing to say" refrain sums up the writing process nicely.

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Scottish Blog Review

So with Christmas over it seems like the classic "Ebay Watch" series is a busted flush. I have decided instead to randomly review other Scottish Blogs.

This is some seriously good shit.

Come ahead!

Charles Kennedy has for many years been MP for Skye, Ross and Lochaber – and we should thank him forever for squashing the political ambitions of that pompous prig Donnie Munro.

Knowing his constituency well it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that he’s had a few bevies and then challenged everyone to a fight!

Buy some shite

I feel that the site has serendipitously hit a rich vein of content (I'm sitting on 4 or 5 good stories that I need time to write up), and that this together with Bez inviting all her friends to visit has resulted in some pretty good traffic levels.

Normally Jim H is my only reader - hope your still with us Jim, I'll see you at the Villareal match.

To take advantage of the traffic it's time to unveil the CallyCalling Shop - full of shite that will make your life immeasurably better. I spent all of about 10 minutes designing this gear which is modeled on the type of stuff that you get in that crappy gift shop in Tyndrum.

So go on and dig deep into your pockets. I've a two bottles of buckie a day habit to feed don't ya know. And if you don't want to buy anything then please just click on one of the Google ads.

God bless you!

Nanny State bans glass from pubs

Bad news everybody! - the Glasgow Licensing board is going to be banning glasses from city center pubs and clubs throughout 2006. The ban should hit clubs this summer and by the end of the year you will only be able to buy beer in a plastic bottle or cup anywhere in Glasgow.

Beer in plastic tastes shit - but that's irrelevant. What I can't understand is why Glaswegians are so happy to sit back and let their government interfere in their lives in such petty ways. Not even Ken at his most rabid would get away with introducing this in London.

The council has also:

- banned late entry into clubs (does Coleman's Curfew still exist?)
- banned drinking in public

and yet the problem of violence in Glasgow seems to be getting worse. The Neds are getting away with murder (quite literally) while the rights of law abiding folk are being systematically eroded. Why bother coming up with coherent and long-term social policy or policing strategy when a knee-jerk ban will do?

For fucks sake Glasgow - stand up to these snivelling legislators. Tell them where to stick their ban and force them to come up with some proper solutions. All this ban will do is spread the message that Glasgow is such a fucked up town that the locals can't be trusted to use anything more than a beaker. What next - clingfilm for windows in Council flats?

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Teuchter Watch - Border Bad Lands

Shocking news from Peebles!

What can I say - they'd never let that happen at the Old Parish Church. Tarquin would have you strung up by the transcept.

Ned-hunting season begins

i-NewsWire is reporting that Scottish First Minister Jack McConnell has agreed to a nationwide cull of neds.

Pure class

One can only wonder at the type of clientele this offy in the south side of Glasgow attracts - oh wait I think I know some of them (hello Jimbo!!!)

That Niall Ferguson article...

Thanks to Tarquin who sent me the link to the Niall Ferguson's musings in the Sunday Telegraph.

To those of you who have missed this stramash Ferguson is a shameless self-publicist and Harvard academic who chose Hogmanay to put the boot into Scotland - calling for its liquidation.

The column is actually quite an entertaining piece, bunkum, but entertaining none-the-less. I should imagine that Ferguson is very happy with the rabid reaction that he has stirred up among Scottish Nationalists (see Herald and Scotsman).

Guys, the poor bugger grew up in Ayr - no wonder he's such a miserable bastard.

Criogaid, Dinichean et al.

Good news everyone, the Teuchters now have a word for lesbian - leasbach since you ask. Along with criogaid (cricket), Bhodca (vodka) and sioraf (giraffe) these new words have been made up by a bunch of tossaich with beards at the request of the Scottish Qualifications Authority [PDF Link].

I get the feeling that none of them lost money during this exercise.