Hogmanay

Right I'm off to celebrate the pagan festival of Hogmanay in Scotland.

I wish I could tell you that I will be visiting a romantic island or rugged bit of hill and Glen - but unfortunately I'll be heading to The 'Mont. No offence intended to my always gracious and generous hosts - The MacLemons.

Hope you have a great one where ever you may be and I look forward to spouting more shite your way in 2006.

Get it up ye!

Small Nation

One of the better blogs that I monitor is Small Nation - run by Iain MacLaren, a Scot now living in Ireland. I'm not saying that I agree with what he says but it's well written and thought out stuff.

After the recent call by the SNP for expats to come home, I've challenged Iain to explain how the Irish government have been so successful at this.

It can't just be about economic conditions - Scotland is doing pretty well in terms of economic growth, employment rates etc.

I personally think the Irish comparison is unfair - their economy has grown very fast but from a relatively low starting point. Apparently 280k Irish have recently returned home, but this figure does not give any idea about long term net change in the population.

Anyway - contribute to the debate over at Small Nation.

New Look

I used to think that a floating div was a ned that travelled between Ed and Glasgow - but a morning spent messing around with CSS code disabuses me of this.

I wanted to introduce a new image-based header and a right hand side column for advertising and stuff. This seems to have been a partial success. I can only see it on a Mac at the moment so please email or comment on this post if I've screwed up. Let me know what your browser and platform is.

Must-read Scottish Books

The Scotsman has printed a list of 20 must-read Scottish books.

I'm shocked at the glaring omission of any Bill Knox books - he was without doubt Newton Mearns most gifted author.

Caledonia's Calling

The SNP wants us ex-pats to return home. According to MSP Kenny MacAskill 70 000 leave Scotland each year - 1.5 million since 1980 - and he wants us back.

I've read this story on three or four web sites so far and it's pretty unclear exactly how he intends to do this. Kenny here's a clue - cut taxes and a large chunk of us will be back tomorrow.

Scotsman Sold

The Scotsman publishing group has been sold to local newspaper publisher Johnston Press for £160 million.

I work in the media so indulge me in this post. This looks like a very canny piece of business for the Barclay brothers who in eight years have managed to double their £87 million investment - despite the newspaper business having it's heart ripped out by the Internet. I can't really see what's in it for Johnston Press - they have a pretty big internet play but while I can see that local services have an exciting future I'm afraid that most of their sites suffer from the "shit in, shit out" syndrome. Johnston (founded in Falkirk) have offices in Edinburgh so presumably there's money to had in sticking everyone in the same location and selling property.

The Scotsman.com is an incredible piece of online real-estate - very nice technology, sound business plan - well worth it's 3 million uniques. I hope they don't fuck it up.

Ho Ho Ho

Not a good start to Christmas in some parts of Scotland.


There was no room at the Inn for this Highland thrill seeker.


Neds extinguished yonder star for these wee lassies.

And the residents of Balloch wait in all day for an electrician only to have him spoil the big light-up

A good week for...

Mur-dur

Junkies

Fat Kids

Edinburgh Teen Pregnancy

Salvador

20% of sick days are on Friday

Today's tabloids are foaming at the mouth about the news that Fife Council paid £86 a head for 11 staff with the worst attendance record to go on a development day. The day at the "plush" Balbirnie House Hotel included breakfast, manicures, massage and bizarrely, Tarot Card reading and spiritualist session.

Didn't realise that 'The Work-Shy Bastard' was in the Tarot deck!

Teuchter Watch: Galloway discovers the torch

The Galloway News has heard tell of a mystical device that gives forth light. 100 lucky OAPs can get one of these free. Fireman Norman says, “It can help take away the fear of sitting alone in the dark during power cuts."

Just be sure not to annoy the demon who powers this magical item.

What's it called?...'kin ugly

As we reported last month, Cumbernauld is ugly.

Tardis Trains

The upgraded West Coast rail link between Glasgow Central and London Euston was launched today. London's Evening Standard seems to be a bit confused about the significance of this however.

It reports that Transport Secretary Alistair Darling said that, "the serivce is now 50 minutes faster than it was a year ago."

Hugh Wark of Network rail claims that times have been reduced, "roughly by 40 to 45 minutes from what they were a year ago"

That's a 20% variance, so which is it?

Numerically challenged Transport Editor Dick Murray also claims Virgin trains will now be doing the 401-mile route in, "under four-and-a-half hours." Quite true - but according to National Rail Enquiries only two trains a day (9:49 and 12:49) will manage this feat - the others could take up to five-and-a-half hours.

I've spent so long on train web sites that I've now forgotten why I started writing this piece. I think it was pointless pedantry in the face of poor journalism but it's pretty obvious I'm just being sad - sorry!

Lord and Lady Muck

The Scottish Borders Council has decided that everyone needs to take their trash out to the roadside for it to be picked up. Sounds pretty fair, a task for petulant teenagers and the wheelie bins aid the old and infirm.

The region's landed gentry however are squealing like stuck pigs over this one - for those enjoying the benefits of a country estate the road may be over half a mile away. Which is exactly the point. The Council has worked out that it costs £17,000 per year and refuge trucks travel an extra 22,500km each year to pick up the Toff's trash. Isn't that what staff are for?

Scottish Music

For those of you with iTunes here is a link to an iMix with some of my favourite Scottish Music in it.

Apple do a few screwy things when you upload a mix - they strip out all the songs that they don't sell and I'm still trying to work out how to keep the track order - but still there are some tunes here. Positive Eduction in particular is taking a bit of a caning as until recently I only had this on vinyl. Love and Money are also well worth a second listen.

Shut it!

It’s a day when our Scottish traditions (see below) are under attack from the nattering nabobs of negativism.

Actually, I can kind of see the neighbours’ point of view on this one – all that piping would fair punch yer coupin.

Principal Dobber

Meet Nathan Warmack (and his girlfriend Kendra Mizzell) - the most unlikely face of Scottish rights since Mel Gibson.

Nathan turned up at his School dance in Missouri dressed in the MacRae tartan, only to be told that he had to change into trousers.

"You can honour your heritage in Scotland, but you can't go in here looking like a clown," said his principal (Rick McClard should you wish to track him down via Google).

To express your solidarity with Nathan sign this online petition.

What do we talk about now?

So, how much pish did you spout about Alex McLeish? I reckon that I personally gave off so much hot air that I might be responsible for the UK not meeting its Kyoto commitments.

If you have had more than three of these conversations you’re in the same boat:

Alan Curbishley needs the European experience before he manages England and he’ll get that at Rangers.

McLeish has the best money spent to trophies won ratio of any recent Rangers manager.

Burley is allegedly a shagger and booser who created havoc at Derby (my personal favourite just because it’s so scurrilous)

Souness will be returning.

Paul Le Guen will bring Rangers what they need to succeed in Europe.

Who the hell is Paul Le Guen?

They should give me a call, I could do better.

A great face for radio

Dinnae fear if you can't make it to Livingston's Club Earth tonight for the Miss West Lothian 2005 final. Radio station TalkSport will be broadcasting all the action.

DJ Ian Abrahams claims that this is no reflection on the local talent, but I'm not so sure - I've heard rumours that the 'yummy mummy' section is open only to under-16s.

Ebay Watch II

Here's some more ideas for that perfect Scottish Christmas gift (who said it was just cheap copy?)

Top of this week's list goes to the joker who is trying to sell an Aberdeen FC paper bag. Just imagine the face of your loved one when you hand over this item on Christmas morning - priceless! Go on Elaine or Karen, you know you want to!!

For the new-ager in your life, try some vibrational Scottish Essences. A quick whiff of Thistle will apparently boost yer pride and self worth quicker than you can say "get a haircut hippy"

This week's obligatory Bucky related item is this relaxing CD - best listened to when lying on a park bench...covered in your own vomit.

The names Prick, Old Useless Prick

I really shouldn't get riled by this idiot anymore but Sean Connery's hypocrisy never fails to take my breath away. After the jump the Spanish resident mouths off about Scottish independence yet again.

Just as well that no-one pays much attention to anything he says.

Note also that the photo was taken in Washington DC which is about as close to Edinburgh that he gets these days.

Wrap up like yer Ma telt ye

Scotland's deputy chief medical officer warns the lassies of Scotland to wrap up well when heading out to celebrate Christmas.

It seems that the combination of binge drinking like a navvy and dressing like it's summer in St Tropez has seen Scotland's hospitals register an increase in the number of cases of hypothermia.

Shepherd's Bush No More

What a rammy!

Gigs for 2005 seem to be over, and the top three spots go to Green Day at Brixton Academy, Gorillaz and Foo Fighters at Astoria. In terms of pure fun and atmosphere however, number 1 is Thursday's Proclaimers' gig. It may be pure Pantomime but nothing beats punching the air and singing yersel hoarse along to Cap in Hand or 500 miles!

Another note about all the gigs that I've been to in 2005 - none of them came even close to costing 162 quid which is what The Stones are wanting for their 2006 Wembley gigs - that is just taking the piss.

Franz Frenzy Part 2

Having recently bought a new keyboard I was knocked offline again when the 'kin rabbit chewed through my modem cable! So I was therefore unable to comment on the stream of nationalist pish unleashed from North of the border by St Andrew's Day. We will perhaps return to that.

Instead I followed in MacLemon's footsteps and spent St Andrew's night in the company of Glasgow's Franz Ferdinand. Their ability to knock out a stonkingly good tune belies their craftmanship - these are seriously well written tunes played by seriously talented musicians. Ally Pally is a warehouse of a venue but it was an excellent gig.

The Rakes and neo-Joy Division outfit, the Editors, supported - and there were plenty of tickets on sale from touts if you fancy going down tonight.

I myself will be at the Proclaimers gig in Shepherds Bush - full report tomorrow.