20% of sick days are on Friday

Today's tabloids are foaming at the mouth about the news that Fife Council paid £86 a head for 11 staff with the worst attendance record to go on a development day. The day at the "plush" Balbirnie House Hotel included breakfast, manicures, massage and bizarrely, Tarot Card reading and spiritualist session.

Didn't realise that 'The Work-Shy Bastard' was in the Tarot deck!